Marshall Mayhem!

Well it has finally started to happen. Ive been dreading this day for the past 4 years. Noah has begun to notice his face. Jerrod thinks he said something about it the other day but wasn't sure but the other night I had him in the bathroom at McDonalds. I was holding him up so that he could wash his hands and he caught himself in the mirror. He asked "whats wrong with my face". I just stopped. For some reason its very much more pronounced in a mirror. It always has been. I didn't know what to say and he asked again. The only thing I could get to come out of my mouth was a "Sunday school answer" and I said "Noah that's the way God made you baby" and then made sure I said "He made you wonderful and perfect and beautiful" and he very quickly came back with "no momma, my eye is funny". I had no idea of what to say or do so we finished washing and headed back out to the play ground where the other kids and Jerrod were. I couldn't help the tears as I told Jerrod what happened. I was so angry. I couldn't not explain to my son why he has this cranial/facial defect. HECK I don't understand it myself. How can I make my 4 year old understand what I can not? I have to admit that I'm a bit angry at God about this. For a long time I thought it was because of my own sin, that my son was being punished for the "sins of the father" (or mother in this case lol) I think that I know better now haha, but I still have my moments. I picked up a book that has been on my shelf for a few years now "a special kind of love", and started to read it this morning. I was brought to tears (and its even a non-fiction book! haha deanna) The first section is about a mother with a child born premature with major issues and on top of that, her oldest child is put in the hospital for juvenile Diabetes. Her prayer that she quotes in this section really got to me and I would like to share it with whoever reads this.....

"Just take me as I am, Lord, in all of my confusion, in all my anger. Yes, anger. I'm angry at you for letting this happen to us. And I want to fight back at something. I want to fight for the well-being of our child! I would so anything to win health for this precious one I love so much.

I stop in this moment of stillness, and I know deep inside that the battle is not mine to win. It's beyond me. It's very complicated. And most of all, I realize that you did not send this trouble. It is part of the evil in our imperfect world. Oh, dear Lord, sustain my energies as a parent and don't let me crumble.

Please bless our child with your great love. Wrap us all in your everlasting arms right now and uphold us in the days ahead."